Bumper Book of Humphrey's Tiny Tales 1 Read online

  ‘We have the nicest students,’ she said with a smile. ‘And the best friends.’

  She was RIGHT-RIGHT-RIGHT! I was lucky to be in a class with such nice humans. ‘I agree,’ Mrs Brisbane said.

  Suddenly, Heidi said, ‘I like Humphrey and Og!’

  (Heidi doesn’t always remember to raise her hand before speaking. That’s why I call her Raise-Your-Hand-Heidi.)

  Then A.J. shouted, ‘They’re what I like best about Room 26!’

  Suddenly, the class was buzzing with excitement.

  Mrs Brisbane clapped her hands to quieten everyone down.

  ‘Quiet, please,’ she said. ‘I agree. Humphrey and Og make this class very special. We could put pictures of them on our posters for the parade.’

  My classmates all cheered but I was too surprised to squeak up.

  I’ve been a classroom hamster for quite a while.

  But I’d NEVER-NEVER-NEVER had my picture on a parade poster before.

  *

  On Tuesday, Mrs Brisbane gave each student a large piece of cardboard.

  ‘It’s time to start making our posters,’ she said.

  My friends all went to work drawing and writing on the blank pieces of cardboard.

  They couldn’t finish them in one day, because they still had lessons to do as well.

  So the next day, Wednesday, they worked on the signs again.

  By the end of the day, I could finally see what they had done.

  Richie’s sign read: Room 26 is hamster-iffic!

  Art’s sign read: Room 26 is frogtastic!

  I think they meant that Og and I were terrific and fantastic.

  That made me feel GOOD-GOOD-GOOD.

  There were other great signs, too. Miranda’s read: Humphrey rules!

  Sayeh’s sign said: Go, Og! That’s funny, because Og is ‘go’ spelled backwards.

  Tabitha and Kirk made signs that read: Hamster Power and Frogs Rule!

  The signs were every colour of the rainbow.

  Some had flowers and glitter.

  Some had funny pictures of Og and me.

  All of them made me proud to be in Room 26!

  *

  The next day, after science, my friends made ears.

  YES-YES-YES! They took paper, scissors, crayon and glue and made little hats with hamster ears sticking up.

  It was unsqueakably funny to see my human friends wearing hamster ears.

  (They didn’t make frog ears because, as I said, frogs don’t have ears that you can see.)

  ‘You’ve done a wonderful job,’ Mrs Brisbane told the class. ‘Tomorrow we’ll practise our marching.’

  *

  I didn’t wait until the next day to work on my marching.

  Once my classmates had gone home, I started to practise.

  ‘One-two-three-four.’ I marched across my cage.

  ‘One-two-three-four.’ I marched back across my cage again.

  I heard Og splashing around in his tank.

  Splashing was not like marching.

  But frogs weren’t like hamsters, either.

  *

  ‘Aldo’s here to bring you cheer!’ a friendly voice said later that evening.

  Aldo, the school caretaker, wheeled his cleaning trolley into the room.

  ‘How are my favourite classroom pets?’ he asked.

  ‘Unsqueakably fine!’ I answered.

  ‘BOING!’ Og said.

  Aldo glanced around the room and saw Richie’s jacket still draped over his chair.

  ‘Oh-oh. Richie forgot his jacket,’ he said. ‘I’ll have to talk to him about that.’

  Aldo happens to be Richie’s uncle.

  As usual, Aldo went right to work. While he swept and dusted, he talked to us.

  ‘Guess what, fellows?’ he asked.

  ‘What?’ I squeaked back.

  ‘I’m going to be in the wet-sponge booth for the fair,’ he said.

  I was squeakless.

  Gail had said something about sponges. But what on earth was a wet-sponge booth?

  ‘Yep. People pay money to throw wet sponges at some of the folks who work at the school,’ he said. ‘I think even Mr Morales is going to have sponges thrown at him.’

  I couldn’t imagine anyone throwing a sponge at the headmaster or the caretaker.

  ‘Anything to help make money for the new playground equipment,’ he said.

  I could see his point, but I hoped no one would throw a wet sponge at me. After all, hamsters should NEVER-NEVER-NEVER get wet!

  Og probably wouldn’t mind, since he spent half his time in the watery part of his tank.

  When Aldo finished cleaning, I practised marching some more.

  I didn’t know much about fairs, but I knew one thing: I was going to be unsqueakably good at marching!

  On Friday, Mrs Brisbane announced that it was time to finish the signs for the parade. She had brought long sticks so the students could hold them up.

  Once the sticks were attached to the signs, my friends marched around the classroom, carrying them.

  ‘One-two-three-four,’ I squeaked as I marched across my cage.

  ‘The signs look wonderful,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘Hold them high.’

  ‘Shouldn’t we do something else?’ Raise-Your-Hand-Heidi said.

  ‘Like what?’ Mrs Brisbane asked.

  Heidi wasn’t sure but Speak-Up-Sayeh had an idea.

  ‘We could say something about Room 26,’ she said softly.

  Garth said, ‘Yeah. Something about Humphrey and Og.’

  That idea got my whiskers wiggling!

  Soon, all my friends were making up sayings about Room 26.

  Humphrey-Humphrey, Og-Og!

  We’ve got a hamster and a frog!’

  And:

  BOING-BOING, SQUEAK-SQUEAK,

  Humphrey and Og – hear them speak!

  But they finally decided on:

  Humphrey and Og are so much fun,

  They make our classroom number 1!

  *

  My friends marched around the classroom again, chanting about Og and me.

  I was so excited, I squeaked along with them.

  Humphrey and Og are so much fun,

  They make our classroom number 1!

  It was paw-sitively thrilling!

  Mrs Brisbane finally stopped the marching and my friends sat back down.

  ‘Thank you for such good work,’ she said. ‘At the fair tomorrow, you can have fun with your friends and families until 2 p.m. Then we’ll all meet by the bouncy castle and line up for the parade.’

  A castle that bounces? How could that be?

  Garth raised his hand. ‘Who will bring Humphrey and Og?’ he asked.

  Mrs Brisbane looked surprised.

  ‘Bring them where?’ she said.

  ‘Bring them out for the parade,’ Garth said.

  Mandy, Miranda and Richie all raised their hands and offered to bring us.

  Mrs Brisbane shook her head.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘Humphrey and Og can’t be in the parade. It would be too dangerous.’

  I could see how sorry my friends were. But no one was more disappointed than I was. Og dived down into the bottom of his tank. I think he was upset, too.

  Golden-Miranda asked why it would be dangerous.

  Mrs Brisbane explained that I was too small to march in a parade and if someone carried me, I might get hurt.

  She said that Og certainly couldn’t march and he needed to be near water.

  She also said that it was going to be a hot, sunny day. The hot sun is not good for hamsters or for frogs.

  Everything she said was true, but I still felt SAD-SAD-SAD.

  So did my friends.

  ‘Maybe we could pull them in a trolley,’ Garth suggested.

  Now that was an unsqueakably good idea!

  ‘There’s still the sun,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘I would worry about Humphrey and Og.’

  ‘They could wear hats,’ Stop-G
iggling-Gail said. Then she giggled.

  Everyone else giggled, too.

  I guess a hamster would look pretty funny wearing a hat.

  ‘I know!’ Mandy said. ‘He could have an umbrella.’

  Everyone giggled at the thought of a hamster holding an umbrella, too.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘I don’t think Humphrey and Og can be in the parade. But everyone will know about them because of your signs.’

  She moved on to talking about maps and faraway places.

  I moved on to thinking about the fair.

  The fair I would never ever see.

  *

  I always look forward to going home with a different student each weekend.

  So I was surprised when Mrs Brisbane told me I would spend the night in the classroom.

  ‘Everyone in class will be coming to the fair tomorrow morning,’ she said. ‘You’d be left alone all day in someone’s house if they took you home tonight. After the fair, I’ll take you to my house.’

  I was still disappointed I wouldn’t be going to the fair.

  But I’d had lots of good times at the Brisbanes’ house.

  ‘Fine with me!’ I squeaked.

  *

  Aldo came back to clean that night.

  I didn’t even know he cleaned on Friday nights!

  ‘Humphrey and Og, I’m glad to see you,’ he said. ‘Because tonight, I have lots to do.’

  Aldo always has a lot to do. But that night, he worked so fast it made my head spin.

  When the room was clean, he said, ‘I’m not finished yet.’

  Then he began to behave very strangely.

  First, Aldo measured my cage.

  He’d never done that before.

  Next, he measured Og’s tank.

  He certainly hadn’t done that before.

  ‘Aldo, what are you doing?’ I squeaked.

  ‘Hang on, Humphrey,’ he answered. ‘You’ll find out what’s going on soon enough.’

  Aldo measured the top of his cleaning trolley.

  He made some notes on a piece of paper.

  ‘Great,’ he said. ‘Everything will be finished in time for the fair tomorrow.’

  ‘WHAT-WHAT-WHAT are you squeaking about?’ I asked.

  Aldo didn’t answer. He wheeled his cleaning trolley out the door.

  ‘What was that all about, Og?’ I asked.

  Og didn’t answer. I guess he didn’t know either.

  Humans often did odd things.

  But the fair made humans act even stranger than usual!

  The next morning, I woke up in Room 26. But it wasn’t like any school day I’d ever known.

  First, when Mrs Brisbane unlocked the door, her husband was with her.

  ‘I can’t wait to show you the posters,’ she told him.

  While Mrs Brisbane went to get them, Mr Brisbane rolled his wheelchair over to see Og and me.

  ‘Hi, fellows,’ he said.

  ‘Good morning,’ I squeaked.

  When Mr Brisbane saw the signs, he said my friends had done a great job.

  ‘Yes,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘But they’ll be disappointed if they don’t win.’

  Mr Brisbane tried on a hamster-ear hat and looked unsqueakably funny.

  Next, A.J. and Garth rushed in. They were SO-SO-SO excited.

  ‘Richie said to meet him here,’ A.J. said. ‘He said it was important.’

  ‘I haven’t seen him yet,’ Mrs Brisbane told him.

  Sayeh and Miranda hurried into the room.

  ‘Richie said to meet him here,’ Miranda said. ‘He said he had something to show us.’

  Soon, most of my classmates were in Room 26, all looking for Richie.

  But Richie still wasn’t there.

  ‘I hope he comes soon,’ Mandy said. ‘I don’t want to miss the face painting.’

  Just as everyone was about to give up, the door opened and Richie entered.

  Aldo was right behind him, pushing his cleaning trolley.

  Did Aldo clean on Saturdays, too?

  ‘Wait till you see what Uncle Aldo made,’ Richie said.

  Everyone gathered around Aldo and the trolley, even Mr and Mrs Brisbane.

  Of course, I couldn’t see very well from the table by the window.

  I climbed up to the tippy-top of my cage to get a better look.

  ‘I thought of a way that Humphrey and Og can march with you,’ Aldo said.

  ‘Really?’ I squeaked.

  ‘Would you like to see how?’ Aldo asked.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Mrs Brisbane said, and everyone agreed.

  Aldo came over to the window and picked up my cage.

  ‘I’ll be careful with you, Humphrey.’

  He gently placed my cage on a board he put across the top of the trolley. He set my cage in slots on the board.

  ‘I fixed it so his cage won’t slide around,’ Aldo said.

  ‘Very clever,’ Mr Brisbane said, and everyone agreed.

  Next, Aldo got Og’s tank and put it in another set of slots on the board.

  ‘Og’s tank will stay firmly in place,’ Aldo said.

  ‘BOING!’ Og said. He sounded very happy.

  ‘Yes, but what about the hot sun?’ Mrs Brisbane asked.

  Aldo took out a big umbrella and put the handle in another slot on the board.

  ‘They’ll be in shade the whole time,’ he said. ‘What do you think?’

  Of course, my friends thought it was a GREAT-GREAT-GREAT idea.

  But Mrs Brisbane was the teacher. It was up to her.

  ‘I think it will be fine for Humphrey and Og to march with us,’ she said. ‘Thank you, Aldo.’

  ‘THANKS-THANKS-THANKS, Aldo!’ I squeaked.

  Everybody laughed.

  ‘I think we’re ready for the fair,’ Mrs Brisbane said.

  He was right. I was READY-READY-READY to go.

  *

  The hallway whizzed by us as Aldo rolled the trolley down the hall.

  Mr Brisbane rolled along next to us.

  ‘Hey, Og, we’re going to the fair!’ I squeaked.

  I could hardly believe it.

  Aldo rolled us through the doorway, out to the playground.

  I’d only seen the playground once before.

  I’d seen swings and a slide and lots of open space.

  But today, the playground looked completely different.

  ‘What do you think, fellows?’ Aldo asked as he pushed us through the crowd.

  What did I think? I thought it was amazing!

  The open space was filled with people and the most wonderful sights I’d ever seen.

  I looked to my right and saw Garth throwing balls at a row of coconuts.

  One of the balls knocked the coconut off its base and everybody cheered.

  ‘Yay, Garth!’ I squeaked.

  I doubt if anyone heard me over all the other noise.

  I looked to my right and saw a table filled with cakes of every size, shape and colour. Yum!

  We moved along and I saw a huge green castle with children bouncing up and down inside.

  ‘That must be the bouncy castle,’ I said. ‘It looks like fun, doesn’t it, Og?’

  Og just stared at the crowds with his big frog eyes.

  Mrs Brisbane came up with a small tiger by her side.

  At least I thought it was a tiger.

  But it turned out to be Sayeh, painted to look like a tiger.

  ‘I got my face painted,’ she said with a happy smile.

  I still wasn’t interested in getting my face painted.

  But it would be fun to be a tiger, at least for a day.

  Aldo said he had to go to the wet-sponge booth, so Mrs Brisbane said she’d push the trolley.

  ‘I don’t want to miss this,’ she said.

  She wheeled us past more booths and tables, with games and yummy things to eat.

  There was a big crowd gathered around the next booth.

  Everyone was laughing at something
. But I couldn’t see what it was.

  ‘I’ll have a look, Og,’ I shouted to my friend.

  I climbed up to the tippy-top of my cage, where I hung from one paw.

  I saw a big board with a hole in it. Sticking out through the hole was Mr Morales’s head!

  I was astonished to see my friend, Golden-Miranda, toss a wet sponge right at his face.

  Splat! The sponge hit him in the forehead and water rolled down Mr Morales’s face.

  I was SHOCKED-SHOCKED-SHOCKED that anyone would treat the headmaster like that.

  Especially a nice girl like Miranda.

  But the most amazing part was that Mr Morales was laughing!

  ‘Who’s next?’ he shouted.

  *

  ‘It’s all for a good cause. We’re raising money for new playground equipment.’

  So what looked like a very bad thing turned out to be a very good thing.

  ‘Should I give it a try?’ Mrs Brisbane asked.

  ‘Sure,’ Mr Brisbane answered. ‘He said it’s for a good cause.’

  I never thought I’d see the day when my teacher would throw a wet sponge at my headmaster. But she did.

  As the crowd cheered, she pulled her arm back and let the sponge fly.

  It hit him right on the nose.

  Everybody laughed. Mr Morales laughed the loudest.

  Summer fairs were fun, all right.

  They were also very surprising.