Bumper Book of Humphrey's Tiny Tales 1 Read online

  Luckily, I have a secret lock-that-doesn’t-lock that allows me to get in and out of my cage without humans knowing.

  So while everyone watched the tricks, I jiggled the lock and slipped out of my cage.

  As the door swung open, I saw Miranda lead Clem to the centre of the room.

  I didn’t think Clem was clever enough to do a trick, but it turned out he could chase his own tail. I was just glad he wasn’t chasing me.

  While everyone watched Clem, I tiptoed over to Nick’s box. I couldn’t see over the top, but there were air holes in the side of the box. I got up on my tip-toes and peeked inside.

  What an unsqueakably strange sight!

  Nick still looked like a stick, but now I saw that the stick had eyes! And it moved ever so slowly.

  ‘Eeek!’ I squeaked.

  I’m sure no one heard me, because the crowd was cheering.

  I looked over and saw that the people were cheering for a cat.

  ‘I never heard of a cat doing tricks,’ I heard A.J. tell Garth.

  ‘Me neither,’ Garth replied.

  But this cat did a great trick. His owner held up a big hoop and the cat leaped right through it.

  Then he turned round and leaped through it again!

  The trick was so amazing I forgot I was out of my cage.

  Then something happened that made me forget about Nick the Stick.

  I wasn’t worried about winning a prize any more.

  I was only worried about staying alive!

  When the dogs saw the performing cat, they got excited. I’d never heard so much barking, howling, yipping and yapping in my life.

  But Clem was more excited than any of them.

  ‘Down, boy!’ Miranda yelled as Clem tugged at his leash.

  She tried to stop him, but he pulled the leash right out of her hand and rushed towards the cat.

  As the cat jumped through the hoop again, Clem jumped right after him!

  Then a strange thing happened. Clem stopped chasing the cat and he sniffed the air. I’m not sure what he smelled, but he headed straight for me!

  That’s when I remembered I was out of my cage. And if Clem got to me before I got to my cage, I’d be in big trouble!

  Og tried to warn me. ‘BOING-BOING-BOING!’

  But there wasn’t much else he could do.

  Just as I reached the cage, I saw Clem’s big nose poke up over the edge of the table.

  I saw his sharp, shiny teeth.

  I smelled his horrible doggy breath.

  ‘Bad dog!’ Miranda shouted.

  She was right. He was a BAD-BAD-BAD dog!

  ‘Somebody, stop that dog!’ Carl shouted.

  ‘Humphrey’s out of the cage!’ A.J. bellowed.

  ‘Grab him!’ Garth yelled. ‘Quick!’

  Before anyone could grab me, Clem pounced. His jaws opened wide.

  Eeek! I took a flying leap and landed on his long nose.

  Clem’s eyes crossed as he tried to look at me.

  I jumped again and landed between his ears. Clem didn’t like that, so he shook his head – hard. I hung on for dear life to a clump of his fur.

  Just then, Og leaped up out of his tank, popping the plastic top right off. He landed next to me on top of Clem’s head.

  Clem seemed VERY-VERY-VERY confused. I don’t think he’d ever had a hamster and a frog on his head before.

  He lowered his head and shook it again to get us off.

  Og and I slid straight down to the floor!

  ‘Run, Og. Hurry!’ I squeaked as I raced away from Clem.

  My heart was pounding. As we ran and hopped, hopped and ran, there was panic at the Pet Show, but no one was more scared than I was.

  ‘Bad dog! Come back!’ That was Miranda.

  ‘Bad-dog – bawk!’ That was Crackers.

  ‘Somebody, stop that dog!’ That was Carl again.

  I could smell Clem’s awful doggy breath and knew he was close behind.

  Then, everything went dark. The world turned upside down. Og and I were flipped up, down and all around.

  ‘I’ve got them!’ a voice called out.

  ‘Eeek!’ I squeaked.

  Finally, I could see light again.

  ‘A hat always comes in handy,’ Grandma Grace said.

  She was smiling down at us. I didn’t know who she was at first, because she wasn’t wearing her purple hat.

  Then I saw what had happened. Og and I were inside Grandma Grace’s hat. She had thrown it over us, then scooped the hat up. That purple hat saved our lives.

  ‘Thanks, Grandma Grace,’ I squeaked weakly.

  ‘BOING!’ Og sounded pretty tired, too.

  Lots of humans gathered round to look at us, but Grandma Grace shooed them away.

  ‘Let these little fellows rest,’ she said.

  I liked Grandma Grace and her purple hat VERY-VERY-VERY much.

  *

  I was happy to be back in my cage and to hear Og splashing in his tank.

  Then the judges stepped forward and said they had chosen the winners of the prizes.

  My tummy did a flip-flop. I hoped my friends wouldn’t be too disappointed if I didn’t win a prize.

  ‘It was a tough choice,’ Stormy Smith said.

  ‘We think you’re all winners,’ Ginger Jones said.

  ‘Let’s hand out the rosettes,’ Judge Lane said.

  I crossed my toes as they awarded the prizes.

  The Best Trick prize went to the cat who jumped through the hoop. His name was Noodles.

  Peter the rabbit won the Biggest Ears prize. That was no surprise!

  The prize for the Longest Tail went to Clem.

  I suppose he did have the longest tail, but I wouldn’t have given him a prize for anything. Still, I was happy for Miranda.

  Crackers won the prize for the Loudest Voice.

  ‘Crackers is the best!’ the parrot squawked.

  She was loud, all right. I just wished that sometimes she’d keep her beak shut.

  ‘There were two winners for Most Unusual Pet,’ Stormy Smith said.

  My ears pricked up. Maybe Og could get a prize here.

  But the two winners were Nick the Stick and Lola the bearded dragon.

  Og had lost to a bearded lady and a stick!

  I was happy for Richie, though. He jumped up and down and high-fived his friends.

  ‘I’m sure you’ll win the next prize, Humphrey,’ A.J. whispered to me.

  I noticed that A.J. had his fingers crossed, so I crossed my paws as well.

  Stormy Smith announced another prize with two winners.

  ‘The prizes for Most Friendly Pet go to Winky and Humphrey,’ he said. I could hardly believe my tiny ears.

  ‘BOING-BOING!’ Og twanged.

  Everybody cheered and I was HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY to share the prize with Winky.

  ‘I won!’ A.J. shouted. ‘I won a prize!’

  ‘No, Humphrey won,’ Garth said. ‘He’s the class pet of everybody in Room 26. Why should you get the prize?’

  A.J. looked surprised. ‘Well, I brought him here, didn’t I?’

  He leaned down next to my cage. ‘Way to go, Humphrey,’ he said.

  But I thought that not sharing my prize wasn’t the way to go at all.

  When Mandy and A.J. stepped up to accept the prizes, A.J. asked if he could say something.

  Stormy Smith handed A.J. the microphone. Not that A.J. needed one with his loud voice.

  ‘I want to share this prize with everybody in Room 26,’ he said. ‘Humphrey’s our classroom hamster. He belongs to us all.’

  I was unsqueakably proud of A.J. for sharing!

  The judges gave the prize for Best in Show to Smoky, the spotted dog. The crowd cheered and I joined in.

  I thought all the prizes had been awarded, but the judges weren’t finished.

  ‘We are also giving a very special prize,’ Stormy Smith said with a big smile on his face.

  ‘Og the Frog gets the prize for Best Fri
end, for helping Humphrey.’

  Og won a special prize for helping me!

  Sayeh looked very proud and so did my other friends from Room 26. Stormy handed the microphone to her.

  If there’s one thing Sayeh doesn’t like, it’s speaking in front of other people. But in her soft voice, she also shared the prize with everyone in Room 26.

  As the crowd clapped, my friends started chanting, ‘Og, Og, Og, Og!’

  No one squeaked louder than I did.

  When things quietened down again, Stormy Smith said, ‘We’d also like to thank Mrs Grace Cook,’ he said. ‘Thanks for your quick thinking and your purple hat.’

  Grandma Grace waved to the cheering crowd.

  My tiny paws were getting sore from clapping!

  *

  ‘THANKS-THANKS-THANKS for helping me,’ I told Og when the noise died down.

  Og dived to the bottom of his tank.

  Then he did three backwards somersaults.

  It was a prize-winning trick, but no one saw it except me.

  On the way home, A.J. seemed quieter than usual.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Grandma Grace. ‘You’re not usually so quiet.

  ‘I just wish I could get a pet,’ he said. ‘But Dad says not right now.’

  I wished he could, too. He always took GOOD-GOOD-GOOD care of me.

  ‘You already have a great pet,’ Grandma said. ‘He’s right here in the car. And he’s got a big, shiny rosette!’

  A.J. sighed. ‘But I have to share Humphrey with everyone in Room 26.’

  Grandma chuckled. ‘You have to share me, too.’

  It was true. A.J. had to share his grandma with his brothers and sister.

  ‘But you know how much I love you,’ Grandma said. ‘I’ll bet Humphrey feels the same way about you.’

  Grandma Grace was one smart human.

  ‘It’s TRUE-TRUE-TRUE,’ I squeaked.

  A.J. laughed. ‘Humphrey Dumpty, you’re funny. I wouldn’t want any pet but you. And Og, too.’

  That made me feel even better than winning a prize at the Pet Show.

  *

  A.J. couldn’t wait for us to go back to school on Monday so he could show my rosette to our teacher, Mrs Brisbane.

  He was PROUD-PROUD-PROUD.

  So was I.

  Everybody wanted to tell Mrs Brisbane about what had happened at the Pet Show.

  ‘It was so funny to see that purple hat running across the floor with Humphrey and Og under it,’ Garth said.

  ‘It was wonderful,’ Mandy said. ‘Although it was terrible that Humphrey was in danger.’

  When I heard the word ‘danger’, I let out a loud ‘Eeek!’

  ‘But it was wonderful that Og was so brave and helped him,’ Mandy continued.

  Miranda looked as if she was about to cry. ‘Oh, I feel horrible,’ she said. ‘My dog could have hurt Humphrey, or worse!’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  She looked so upset, I felt sorry for her, even if Clem was a truly awful dog.

  By the way, doesn’t Pet-O-Rama sell breath mints for dogs?

  ‘I hope Humphrey stays in his cage from now on,’ Mrs Brisbane said, looking at me. ‘I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.’

  Mrs Brisbane is an unsqueakably smart human.

  ‘Richie, maybe you can bring Nick the Stick in one day for our biology lesson,’ Mrs Brisbane continued.

  ‘Sure,’ said Richie. ‘Any time!’

  At the end of the day, when all my friends had gone to their homes, Og and I were alone in ours – Room 26.

  I looked at the shiny rosette hanging on my cage.

  I looked at the shiny rosette hanging on Og’s tank.

  ‘I’m glad we won prizes, Og,’ I told him. ‘We made our friends happy.’

  Og splashed around in the water.

  Then I continued. ‘But I don’t really need a prize because being a classroom pet is the BEST-BEST-BEST job in the world!’

  ‘BOING-BOING-BOING!’ Og twanged.

  Even though I don’t really understand frog talk, I was pretty sure that he agreed with me.

  a frog, is the other classroom pet in Room 26. He makes a funny sound: BOING!

  is our teacher. She really understands her students – even me!

  has a loud voice and calls me Humphrey Dumpty.

  is A.J.’s best friend and a good friend of mine, too.

  has golden hair, like I do. She also has a dog named Clem. Eeek!

  is unsqueakably smart, but she’s shy and doesn’t like to speak in class.

  is a grown-up who cleans Room 26 at night. He’s a special friend who always brings me a treat and seems to understand my squeaks better than most humans.

  is Aldo’s nephew and a classmate of mine.

  I think you’ll like my other friends, too, such as

  Stop-Giggling-Gail, Pay-Attention-Art,

  Raise-Your-Hand-Heidi and Sit-Still-Seth.

  I’ve learned a lot about school in the short time I’ve lived in one.

  As a classroom hamster, I get to see and hear everything that goes on in Room 26.

  One thing I’ve learned is that it’s important to listen to our teacher.

  Mrs Brisbane is unsqueakably smart. She’s a good teacher, too.

  I’ve also learned that it’s important to listen to the headmaster, Mr Morales.

  Mr Morales is the Most Important Person at Longfellow School.

  One Monday when he came into our classroom, he said something very important.

  It was also quite surprising.

  ‘As you know, class, the Longfellow School Summer Fair is coming up on Saturday,’ he said.

  My friends got very excited.

  ‘WILL THERE BE CAKE?’ A.J. asked.

  A.J.’s voice is very loud, so I call him Lower-Your-Voice-A.J.

  Mr Morales said there would be cake.

  There would also be games and crafts and things that sounded like FUN-FUN-FUN.

  ‘Yippee!’ I shouted.

  Of course, all that my friends heard was a very loud ‘Squeak!’

  ‘This year, we’re trying to raise money for new playground equipment. We’re adding something new,’ Mr Morales said. ‘And you will all be part of it.’

  ‘Are you listening, Og?’ I squeaked to my neighbour.

  Og is a frog. He lives in a tank right next to my cage on a long table by the window.

  Since I can’t see his ears, I’m never sure if he’s listening or not.

  ‘BOING-BOING!’ he answered in his funny voice.

  I guess he was listening after all.

  ‘The students in each room are going to do a project about what they like best about their class. Everyone will make posters and banners,’ Mr Morales explained.

  ‘Oooh,’ my classmates said.

  ‘Then, in the afternoon, all classes will parade their banners around the school field,’ Mr Morales said. ‘There will be a prize for the best class presentation.’

  ‘Ahhh,’ my classmates said.

  ‘Do you think Room 26 will win?’ Mrs Brisbane asked the class.

  Every student shouted ‘Yes!’ including me.

  After Mr Morales left, Mrs Brisbane talked to the class about maths.

  I was so excited, I hopped on my wheel for a fast spin.

  I should have listened to Mrs Brisbane, but all I could think about was the fair.

  *

  ‘It sounds exciting, doesn’t it, Og?’ I asked when we were alone during breaktime.

  ‘BOING-BOING!’ Og answered.

  ‘Cake tastes yummy. And games are fun!’ I squeaked.

  ‘BOING-BOING-BOING!’ Og agreed.

  ‘I just have one question, Og. Do you think Room 26 will win the prize?’ I asked.

  Og dived into the water and splashed loudly.

  I guess he wasn’t sure.

  I wasn’t sure, either. But I knew we’d find out VERY-VERY-VERY soon.

  *

  I heard my friends say so
me very odd things when they came back from break.

  ‘Coconuts,’ Garth said.

  Gail giggled and said, ‘Sponges!’

  Stop-Giggling-Gail loves to giggle, but I had never heard her laugh about sponges before.

  Sayeh, who I call Speak-Up-Sayeh because she hardly ever speaks, smiled and said, ‘Face painting!’

  Face painting – what was that?

  I hoped she was talking about paintings of faces.

  Painting on faces would be VERY-VERY-VERY messy.

  Especially on a hamster.

  ‘Class, it’s time to start our project,’ Mrs Brisbane announced.

  ‘We need to think about our posters. What do you like best about our class?’ she asked.

  Lots of hands went up.

  ‘We learn a lot of important things in Room 26,’ Mandy said.

  I had to agree with that.

  I’ve even learned to read and write in Room 26, which is unusual for a hamster.

  ‘We’ve got the best teacher,’ Richie said.

  That made Mrs Brisbane smile.

  ‘But other classes have good teachers and learn a lot. Any other ideas?’ she asked.

  I looked around the room.

  I liked the unsqueakably nice bulletin board with pictures of important people on it.

  I didn’t know who the people were, but I was sure they were important.

  I looked around some more and saw books, pencils, paper and maps.

  My friends glanced around the room, too.

  Then Miranda Golden raised her hand. I think of her as Golden-Miranda because of her golden hair.