Surprises According to Humphrey Read online

  The best surprise ever!

  I-Heard-That-Kirk came bounding into the room with a big smile on his face.

  “Mrs. Brisbane, I’m sorry about yesterday. To make up for it, I have a surprise for Humphrey. Can I give it to him now?” he asked.

  A surprise for me? That got my whiskers wiggling.

  And it started Gail giggling. “What is it?” she said. “Let me see!”

  Soon, the other students were gathered around Kirk, begging him to let them see the surprise.

  “Okay, Kirk. What is it?” asked Mrs. Brisbane. Her arms were folded, and she had a suspicious look on her face. After all, Kirk had done a few things that would make any teacher unhappy.

  This time, Mrs. Brisbane held out her hand. “Let me see it, Kirk,” she said. Boy, she sure didn’t trust him.

  Kirk reached in his backpack and pulled out something I couldn’t see. All of my friends went “ooh” and “aah,” which made my heart thump faster and faster.

  “Can you see it, Og?” I squeaked to my tablemate.

  There was no answer.

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  Betty G. Birney

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  First published in the United States of America by G. P. Putnam’s Sons,

  a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 2008

  Published by Puffin Books, a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 2009

  1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

  Copyright © Betty G. Birney, 2008

  All rights reserved

  THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS HAS CATALOGED THE G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS EDITION AS FOLLOWS:

  Birney, Betty G.

  Surprises according to Humphrey / Betty G. Birney. p. cm.

  Summary: While continuing to help his classmates solve their problems, Humphrey, pet hamster of Longfellow School’s Room 26, faces many surprises, like rolling in a hamster ball, a substitute janitor who might be an alien, and the possibility of Mrs. Brisbane retiring.

  [1. Hamsters—Fiction. 2. Schools—Fiction. 3. Interpersonal relations—Fiction.] I. Title.

  PZ7.B5229Su 2008

  [Fic]—dc22 2007007457

  ISBN: 978-1-101-65369-2

  Printed in the United States of America

  Designed by Katrina Damkoehler

  Text set in Stempel Schneidler

  Except in the United States of America, this book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

  The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.

  To the GREATS—

  Samantha and Carter Radman

  Rita and Josie de Leeuw

  and Ethan Birney.

  Contents

  1: Spring Has Sprung

  2: Stop, Drop and More Surprises

  3: Hamster on a Roll

  4: Spring Fever

  5: Surprise from Outer Space

  6: The Space Alien Squeaks

  7: Surprise Attack

  8: The Hunt Continues

  9: No Surprises

  10: The Return of Mi Amigo

  11: Hoppin’ with Heidi

  12: Testing, Testing

  13: The Big Break

  14: A Day at Maycrest Manor

  15: Suggestions and Surprises

  Humphrey’s Top Ten Good Surprises

  Spring Has Sprung

  Monday mornings are different than other mornings. That’s just one of many things I’ve learned in the months I’ve lived in Room 26 of Longfellow School.

  For one thing, on Mondays, I’m usually tired from a weekend spent visiting the home of one of my fellow classmates. That’s the BEST-BEST-BEST part of my job as classroom hamster.

  My friends are also quieter than usual on Mondays. It takes them at least half a day to get back up to speed after their weekends away from school.

  Don’t-Complain-Mandy Payne complains more than usual on Mondays. Today, she complained that it was too hot. Our teacher, Mrs. Brisbane, opened a window.

  Sit-Still-Seth Stevenson jitters in his seat more on Monday mornings. But he tries to sit still; he really does.

  And even Lower-Your-Voice-A.J. Thomas, who can rattle the walls with his loud voice, is quieter on Monday mornings. It’s weird.

  Mrs. Brisbane, however, is always up to speed, and she likes to get Monday mornings rolling with something interesting.

  “Class, in case you hadn’t noticed, spring has sprung!” Mrs. Brisbane announced one Monday.

  I don’t know about the other students, but I’d certainly noticed that the March rains had stopped and everything had changed. The world, which had been drippy and dreary, was now bright green. The trees, the grass—just about everything outside—matched the color of my goofy green neighbor, Og the Frog, who lives in a tank next to my cage.

  For some reason, all that green made me feel like springing up onto my bridge ladder, which goes across my big cage.

  Mrs. Brisbane kept talking. “Today, I have a special spring surprise for you!”

  Surprise? Surprises are fun, like birthday presents. But surprises can be not so fun, like unexpected storms with LOUD-LOUD-LOUD thunder that can hurt the ears of small, sensitive creatures like me. Just thinking about thunder made me bobble, then wobble. I tried to catch my balance but tumbled off my ladder with a loud thump! Luckily, I landed in a pile of soft bedding (and not in my poo corner), but still, I was very surprised and quite startled.

  My neighbor, Og, was startled, too, I guess, because he let out a large “BOING,” which is the strange twanging sound that green frogs, like him, usually make.

  “What’s going on over here?” Mrs. Brisbane walked toward the table by the window where Og and I live.

  “Humphrey fell! I saw him!” a voice called out. Even though I couldn’t see who was talking from underneath all that bedding, I knew it was Raise-Your-Hand-Heidi Hopper, because no matter how many times she’d been told, Heidi never remembered to raise her hand.


  “Hands, please, Heidi,” Mrs. Brisbane reminded her.

  I poked my head out of the bedding and saw her looking down at me. “Are you all right, Humphrey?”

  “I’m not hurt,” I explained. “But I am a little shaken up.”

  As usual, all that came out was, “SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK.”

  “He certainly sounds fine,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “Now, back to our surprise.”

  I stood up to give her my full attention.

  “I’ve been working you pretty hard on our pre-test drills,” she continued.

  That was certainly true. We had tests from time to time in Room 26. But there were bigger tests coming, and Mrs. Brisbane wanted to make sure her students did well. There were math drills and reading drills and her favorite: the dictionary drill. Every day, she had a list of words for us to look up in the dictionary. Then we were supposed to write sentences using the words correctly.

  There was just one problem: everyone in class had a dictionary except me! This was very annoying, because I try to keep up with my friends. Finally, I came up with a solution and made my own dictionary by writing words and definitions in the tiny notebook I keep hidden in my cage. Ms. Mac, the wonderful substitute teacher who brought me to Room 26, gave it to me. (She also gave me a broken heart when she left to teach in faraway Brazil. I still think about Ms. Mac a lot.)

  Now Mrs. Brisbane was smiling broadly. “This morning, we’re taking a break from drills to decorate the room.”

  My classmates cheered.

  “What did she say?” Pay-Attention-Art Patel asked Lower-Your-Voice-A.J.

  “No test drills!” A.J. bellowed loudly.

  That got Stop-Giggling-Gail Morgenstern chuckling and her best friend, Heidi, joined in.

  Mrs. Brisbane shushed everyone. “Settle down. The theme of the day is Spring into Numbers. Now, let’s get to work!”

  None of us knew what she was talking about, but soon, all my friends were busy with paper, paint, markers, fluffy cotton, string and wire. How I wished I could get my paws on some of those things!

  While Mrs. Brisbane explained that the students were supposed to hide math problems in their flower, tree and kite projects, I scurried to my wheel for a little exercise. Spring made me feel frisky and full of life! I spun faster and faster until the whole room was a blur. And then the recess bell rang.

  My classmates dropped their markers and construction paper and raced toward the door. Wait-for-the-Bell-Garth Tugwell was the first one out, as usual.

  For some reason, the bell surprised me, maybe because it sounded a little softer than normal. I guess it surprised Mrs. Brisbane, too, because she glanced at the clock and shouted, “Children! Come back here!” She raced to the door and called the students back. “It’s not recess yet.”

  I could hear them objecting.

  “It was the bell!” A.J. bellowed.

  “We’ll miss recess!” Mandy protested.

  But Mrs. Brisbane was firm. Once my friends were back in the room, she pointed to the clock. “See? It’s not time yet.” She checked her watch. “Not for another half an hour.”

  “But the bell rang!” Heidi argued.

  “Raise-Your-Hand-Heidi,” Mrs. Brisbane said, just as she’s said hundreds of times before. “Would someone like to tell me what just happened?” Mrs. Brisbane’s eagle eyes stared out at the classroom.

  “April fool!” a voice called out.

  “I-Heard-That-Kirk Chen,” the teacher said. “It was you, wasn’t it?”

  Kirk was the class comic, but he’d been better lately about pulling practical jokes during school hours.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Brisbane,” Kirk answered. “But it’s April first. April Fools’ Day! You’re supposed to play jokes on people.”

  Mrs. Brisbane asked him to explain what he did.

  “Last week, I made a recording of the recess bell.” He held up a TINY-TINY-TINY tape recorder. “I just played it a little ahead of time.”

  Mrs. Brisbane shook her head. “Kirk, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

  “I didn’t hurt anybody,” Kirk protested.

  “No, but—”

  Mrs. Brisbane didn’t finish because all of a sudden the loudest sound I’ve ever heard rattled my furry little ears. It was much louder than the buzzers and bells that sound at morning, recess, lunchtime or at the end of the day. It was louder than the loudest voice A.J. ever used. It wasn’t a ringing or a buzzing—it was an earsplitting BEEP-BEEP-BEEP without stopping.

  “Help!” I squeaked, plummeting off my wheel and somersaulting through my bedding. It’s never a good idea to stop spinning too quickly.

  “Fire drill!” Heidi called out. She didn’t raise her hand, but this time, Mrs. Brisbane didn’t scold her.

  The beeps kept blaring. Couldn’t someone turn them off?

  “Boys and girls, it is the fire alarm,” Mrs. Brisbane shouted. “Leave everything on your desks. Line up row by row and we’ll calmly walk out to the playground.”

  “BOING-BOING!” Og sounded worried.

  We hadn’t had a fire drill since Og came to our classroom. No wonder he was alarmed. I quickly explained that a fire drill is a time for students to practice how to act if there’s a fire. My friends knew just what to do. They put down their pencils, scissors and papers, stood up and began to form lines.

  “Stay calm,” Mrs. Brisbane said. I don’t know how anyone could stay calm with that noise. “They didn’t tell me about a fire drill, so this one could be a real alarm.”

  I was impressed with how orderly the students were, except for Miranda Golden, who was usually one of the best-behaved students in class. She left the line and hurried to my cage. “Come on, Humphrey. I’ll look out for you.”

  Good old Miranda. I think of her as Golden-Miranda, because she is an almost perfect person. And her hair is as golden as my fur.

  Then Garth and A.J. broke ranks and raced over to Og. Each of them took one end of his tank to carry him.

  “Children! Stop!” Mrs. Brisbane shouted. “Leave Og and Humphrey here. You must leave everything in the classroom!”

  “But if it’s a real fire, we can’t leave them here!” Miranda protested. I do love that girl.

  “Yeah, that would be awful!” A.J. agreed.

  Mrs. Brisbane bit her lip and looked out into the hallway. “It’s probably a surprise drill, but all right. Hurry along. And keep that tank level, please!”

  I didn’t know if there was a fire or not, but it felt like we were having an earthquake, because as Miranda carried my cage, I was slipping and sliding. Thank goodness for that nice, soft bedding!

  As my cage lurched down the hall, I saw us head toward a side door. This was a surprise because I’d only been in and out of the school through the front door before. Suddenly, I felt fresh spring air on my fur and there was BRIGHT-BRIGHT-BRIGHT light in my eyes. I couldn’t smell any smoke, and best of all, the awful beeping stopped.

  “It’s okay, Humphrey,” Miranda told me. “We’re out on the playground.”

  The playground? The playground! The place where my classmates went every day but where I had never been before. I took a chance and stood up to look around. I saw swings, a slide, a tall something-or-other with rings hanging down from it. It was almost as cool as my cage with its wheel, ladders and tree branches.

  And there were students and teachers from other classes standing around. There was Small-Paul Fletcher, who was in Mrs. Loomis’s class but came into Room 26 for math every morning. He didn’t look so small compared to the other students in his class.

  Wow, I’d never seen that tall teacher with the bright red hair. Or the teacher who looked a little bit like Santa Claus. They were all talking and laughing, so I knew it was just a practice fire after all. I was still taking it all in when—SCREECH!—the loudest whistle on earth blasted very near my cage.

  “Mrs. Brisbane!” a voice bellowed.

  A shadow fell over my cage. I looked up and saw that the la
rge object casting the shadow was actually a woman. A woman holding a whistle.

  “You should know by now that nothing should be taken from the classroom. Nothing!” Her voice was almost as loud as her whistle, but a lot deeper.

  “I know, Mrs. Wright, but the children had a point. If this was a real fire, they would want to save their pets.”

  “Unacceptable!” the woman called Mrs. Wright declared. I braced myself in case she blew her whistle again.

  “He’s a living creature! A living thing!” said Miranda. Did I mention how much I love that girl?

  Then I heard a familiar voice. “What’s going on here?”

  “A serious breach of the rules,” Mrs. Wright roared. “Nothing must leave the classrooms except the students. Nothing!”

  “And the teacher!” I added. I was a little afraid of this woman, but still, someone had to squeak up for Mrs. Brisbane.

  I saw Mr. Morales’s face smiling down at me. He’s the principal and also the Most Important Person at Longfellow School. As usual, he was wearing an interesting tie. This one had fluffy white clouds on a blue background.

  “You mean Humphrey? And Og?” he asked.

  “They’re not things, Mr. Morales. They’re living creatures,” Miranda protested.

  “And they’re part of our class,” added Garth.

  “Yeah!” A.J. bellowed, and this time Mrs. Brisbane didn’t tell him to lower his voice.

  Mrs. Wright waved a paper in Mr. Morales’s face, which was RUDE-RUDE-RUDE!

  “There are rules, and as Supervisor of Emergency Services, I must strongly protest,” she said. “I’m sorry, but Mrs. Brisbane has chosen to ignore the rules!”

  Those were fighting words. Because nobody I knew followed the rules better than Mrs. Brisbane. At least if they were good rules.

  “Look, the children have a point,” she said, in a nice, soft voice (unlike Mrs. Wright’s loud, unpleasant voice). “You can’t expect them to leave behind their beloved pets.”

  “It’s up to us to enforce the rules.” Mrs. Wright fingered her whistle, but thank goodness, she didn’t blow on it.

  “Well…,” said Mr. Morales.