School Days According to Humphrey Page 9

  Friday morning, I was tired and a little jumpy because I thought Mrs. Brisbane might be upset that I mixed up her cards. I was also worried about Harry.

  All week long, I’d held my breath after every bell, wondering if Hurry-Up-Harry would be tardy or not. After all, he’d made a deal with Mrs. Brisbane.

  He did unsqueakably well at keeping his end of the bargain. But on Thursday, he had been late to school because his mom couldn’t find her car keys. (They were under the kitchen table.)

  I wasn’t sure whether he’d broken his end of the deal or not, so I still didn’t know where I’d be spending the weekend.

  But I forgot about everything else when Mrs. Brisbane said, “Boys and girls, I’m now going to announce your new classroom jobs.”

  She explained Brisbane’s Buddies and how the students would work in pairs. Then she described each job. Finally, she began to read off the names of the students who would share each job.

  “For Homework Collectors, Rosie and Phoebe.” Mrs. Brisbane looked surprised, and I knew why. The night before, I’d moved Phoebe to the homework job.

  Helpful-Holly raised her hand. “Don’t you think I should do the job with Rosie?”

  “No,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “I have another job for you, Holly. Just keep listening.”

  Holly looked disappointed, but Mrs. Brisbane continued. “Animal Handlers will be Joey and Kelsey.”

  Again, Mrs. Brisbane looked surprised. I just hoped that Be-Careful-Kelsey would be better at taking care of animals than she was at taking care of herself.

  Joey and Kelsey both looked thrilled.

  “It really is the best job,” I squeaked to Og.

  “BOING-BOING!” he agreed.

  “Door and Line Monitors will be . . .” Mrs. Brisbane paused. She obviously knew these weren’t the names she’d chosen, but she read them anyway. “Harry and Simon.”

  I thought that pairing Hurry-Up-Harry with Slow-Down-Simon was a brilliant idea. At least I hoped so.

  Mrs. Brisbane kept going. I thought maybe she’d ignore my next idea, but when she read the names, she actually looked pleased. “Bulletin Board Designers: Paul G. and Paul F.”

  The two Pauls did not look thrilled, but I crossed my toes and hoped my idea would work.

  When she got to the very end of the list, there were just two people left.

  “These jobs just have one person,” she said. “Thomas, you will be Class Reporter. That means you have to record what we do every day in a class log,” she explained. “What we study, who participates and even what the temperature is. No exaggeration, okay?”

  “Okay!” Thomas said as he gave her a thumbs-up.

  “Holly, you will be the Teacher’s Assistant. That means when I need anything done, from taking a note to the office to answering the phone or cleaning the board, I will ask you. Do you think you can handle that?”

  Helpful-Holly did.

  Near the end of the day, Mrs. Brisbane made another announcement: Hurry-Up-Harry would be taking me home for the weekend.

  “Yes!” Harry shouted. “This is my lucky day.”

  I hoped it was my lucky day, too.

  I was tired from all that late-night work rearranging the cards, but a classroom hamster sometimes works around the clock. And I was anxious to get to Hurry-Up-Harry’s house and meet his family.

  I had to wait awhile, though, because Harry’s mom was unsqueakably late in picking us up from school.

  Yep, I had my work cut out for me . . . again.

  Harry’s mom was NICE-NICE-NICE. So was his little sister, Suzy. I wasn’t surprised. After all, Harry was NICE-NICE-NICE. He was also often LATE-LATE-LATE. And I wanted to find out why.

  I got all settled on the coffee table in the Ito family living room.

  “Nice mouthie,” Suzy said as she leaned in close to my cage.

  “Nice hamster,” I politely corrected her.

  “Mouth!” she said, twirling in circles around my cage until I felt slightly dizzy.

  “He’s a hamster,” Harry corrected her, thank goodness.

  Suzy twirled around again, but this time she said, “Hamthter!!”

  At least that was a little closer than “mouth.”

  Usually when I go home with a student, I am placed on a desk or table, admired and played with, and then the family has dinner.

  At Harry’s house, I was placed on a table, admired and played with. But dinner was a long way off.

  I can’t say the Ito family didn’t have a clock. They had a large gold one in the living room, on the mantel above the fireplace, directly opposite from my spot on the table. I saw the time change from 6:00 to 6:30 and from 6:30 to 7:00. Each time the clock reached the halfhour point, it chimed a lovely, loud sound. Ding-ding! Ding-ding!

  “Mommy, I’m hungry!” Suzy said. She stopped twirling and plopped down on the sofa.

  “Sorry, honey,” Harry’s mom said. “I was hoping we’d all eat together, but I’ll go ahead and give you some pasta.”

  “Pathta-pathta-pathta,” Suzy said, jumping up and twirling around my cage again.

  Harry decided to wait to eat until his dad came home, which was around 8:30.

  “Sorry,” Mr. Ito said, giving Harry’s mom a kiss. (Which was unsqueakably nice.) “I was clearing up some paperwork and I lost track of time,” he said.

  The Itos lost track of time a lot. Harry’s mom said it was no problem, and it was nine when she finally said the food was ready. Suzy had fallen asleep on the sofa, but the rest of the family ate together.

  After dinner, Harry’s mom took Suzy up to bed and Harry and his dad came into the living room.

  “Wow, I didn’t know it was so late,” Mr. Ito said, looking up at the large, shiny gold clock over the fireplace. “It’s bedtime for you, too, Harry.”

  “Oh, Dad, it’s Friday night. Can’t I stay up a little while longer?” Harry asked.

  Harry’s dad said it was okay, especially since he’d gotten home late and hadn’t had much time with his son. They started playing a game together. I decided to entertain them with some hamster acrobatics. I leaped around on my tree branch, then hopped on my wheel and started spinning faster and faster.

  “Go, Humphrey, go!” Harry said, and pretty soon he and his father forgot about their game and watched me.

  “Tomorrow, we’ll put him in his hamster ball,” Harry told his dad.

  When Harry’s mom came back downstairs, I started my act all over again. I was already tired from the night before, but a hamster’s job is never done.

  Mrs. Ito glanced up at the clock. “Harry has a soccer game in the morning,” she said with a yawn. “We’d better get to bed.”

  Mr. Ito looked up at the clock, too. “My watch is a little slow,” he said, resetting it.

  “Are you sure that clock is right?” his wife asked.

  “Very sure. It may be an antique, but it keeps perfect time,” Mr. Ito answered.

  Mrs. Ito nodded, then adjusted her watch, too.

  After Harry and his parents had gone to bed, I was happy to settle in for a nice snooze myself. Like the Itos, I checked the clock.

  It was eleven.

  The next morning, I sat in my cage in the living room and watched the Itos in action. There was the usual morning commotion of people getting up, eating breakfast, listening to the news.

  Harry came into the living room to see me.

  “Hi, Humphrey. Did you have a good sleep? Do you like my house?” he asked.

  I was about to say yes when Mrs. Ito rushed into the living room, looking frantic.

  “Harry, you’ve got to get dressed. The game is at nine!” she said. It was only fifteen minutes before nine, and Mrs. Ito was still in her robe.

  “What time’s the game?” Mr. Ito asked, wandering into the living room, still in his robe, too.

  “Nine!” Mrs. Ito told him as she headed for the stairs. Mr. Ito was right behind her.

  Harry came back down in his soccer uniform at five minutes befo
re nine. I crossed my toes and hoped that the soccer field was close to the house.

  Finally, Mr. and Mrs. Ito came back into the living room, both dressed.

  “Where’s Suzy?” Mr. Ito asked.

  Mrs. Ito ran back up the stairs. “I’ll get her dressed. Meet you in the car!”

  Mr. Ito looked at the clock and shook his head. It was one minute before nine.

  “Okay,” he said. “But we’re going to be late!”

  The last Ito finally left the house at three minutes past nine. They were definitely late . . . as usual.

  I was exhausted from watching the family run around like that. But I realized that this was probably what went on in the Ito house every day that Harry was late to school.

  Mr. and Mrs. Ito were grown-up human beings and seemed quite smart. How could a small hamster help them change their ways? I thought about that problem all day, between naps in my cage.

  Then an idea began to take shape in my brain. The Itos weren’t very good at keeping track of the time, but when they did, they seemed to check that clock on the mantel. I couldn’t change the Itos, but maybe I could change the clock they trusted so much.

  As I stared at the clock a long time, a little rhyme rolled around in my brain.

  Hickory dickory dock,

  The mouse ran up the clock . . .

  Suzy had called me a mouse (at least I think that’s what she meant by “mouth”), and hamsters are a lot like mice. (According to Aldo, we’re both rodents.) So if a mouse could go up the clock, I guess a clever hamster like me could, too, as long as I had a Plan.

  I rested some more while the Itos were gone, knowing I had a busy night ahead of me.

  Once the family was back from the game (Harry’s team won—yay!), I learned that the Itos were really fun as long as they didn’t have to worry about time. Harry showed Suzy some of his soccer moves in the backyard. Then they all went out for a while and came back with lots of yummy food. Later, Mr. and Mrs. Ito cooked a big dinner and Harry and Suzy helped. And they gave me carrots.

  After dinner, they all went downstairs to the basement and Harry brought me along.

  I was glad he did, because I got to sit in my cage and watch the family play table tennis. They didn’t play tennis with a table. They played it on a table, using a small bouncy ball and paddles.

  Suzy was too young to play, but they gave her a paddle and let her try. Harry and his parents were very good at hitting the ball back and forth across a table with a little net going down the center. The game was quite exciting and my neck got tired from turning my head back and forth to follow the ball in its travels.

  “Hey, maybe Humphrey would like to play,” Harry said.

  I shivered and quivered a little bit, worried that the Itos were going to bat me back and forth with paddles. But Harry had a better idea. First, he put blankets all around the edges of the table so I wouldn’t roll off. Then he placed me inside my hamster ball and set it on the table.

  “Go for it, Humphrey,” he said.

  The Itos all leaned in and watched as I rolled my ball across the table toward the net. I was able to pick up quite a bit of speed. As I hit the net, I bounced off, just like the little white ball.

  “Score one for Humphrey!” said Harry. “Let’s give him a point every time he bounces off the net.”

  I don’t mean to brag, but I scored ten points before Harry’s mom said she was tired and needed to go to bed.

  She was tired—what about me? But I still had lots of work to do.

  Once I was alone in the living room and the house was completely quiet, I opened the lock-that-doesn’t-lock and slid down the leg of the coffee table. The moon shone through the big double doors and I could see that there was a set of metal shelves next to the fireplace. The shelves were spaced close together, which was a lucky break for me, because I could easily climb up and hop onto the mantel.

  I haven’t had any experience with clocks, but I hoped that I could figure out how this one worked. It was an old-fashioned clock with numbers and hands—not the kind with lighted numbers. The time was exactly 11:25.

  There was no way to set the time on the front of the clock, so I moved around to the back. There was a knob there, which I figured must be for setting the time.

  I reached up and tried to turn the knob to the right. The thing didn’t budge. My Plan wasn’t going to work! I sat back down on the mantel and rested.

  “Wait a minute, Humphrey,” I squeaked softly to myself. “You turned off Rockin’ Aki. Surely you can turn this little knob!”

  I felt very determined as I leaped up and grabbed onto the top of the knob with all my might. I don’t weigh much, but I hoped that if I could hang on long enough, I’d be heavy enough to move the knob.

  I shimmied my body over to the right and tried to yank the knob down.

  “Oof!” The knob budged a little bit.

  Ding-ding! Ding-ding! Suddenly the chimes rang out.

  I dropped back to the mantel.

  Ding-ding! Ding-ding! The chimes were so loud, it felt as if they were ringing in my brain. It was enough to give me a huge hamster headache.

  Still, I had a Plan and nothing was going to stop me. The ringing stopped, so I leaped up again, hung on for dear life and the knob moved a little more. I let go, then scurried around to the front, checked the time and then returned to the back to move the knob again and again.

  My paws were aching. When I went around to check the front of the clock again, I saw that I had set the clock ahead five minutes.

  I was afraid to set it too far ahead—then the Itos might catch on. But maybe five minutes would make a difference.

  Feeling unsqueakably pleased with myself, I looked for a way back to my cage. The thought of climbing down the wire shelves made my stomach a little queasy. But on the other side, there was a window with curtains and a long cord hanging down. Perfect! I grabbed onto the cord and began to slide.

  “Eeek!” I hadn’t realized that this cord would be so slippery. I slid WAY-WAY-WAY faster than when I slide down the cord to the blinds in Room 26! The room was a blur as I zoomed down to the floor, which I hit a little harder than I would have liked.

  Once I recovered, I looked up at the clock. It was 11:45 by then. Of course, I knew that it was really only 11:40. I’m so glad I know how to tell time!

  I had another lucky break when I got back to the coffee table. There was a footstool next to it and I climbed up easily and hopped back on the table and into my cage.

  I was never so happy to crawl into my sleeping hut as I was that night.

  And to think, at that moment, Og was alone in Room 26, just swimming around in his tank!

  The next morning I was a little sore but anxious to see if all my hard work would pay off. It was a little later in the morning when again, there was a lot of running back and forth through the living room around 9:45.

  “We’ll be late to church!” Mrs. Ito said, walking into the room in her robe.

  “I’m all set,” Mr. Ito answered. He strolled in, completely dressed for the day.

  “You make sure the kids are ready,” his wife said. “I’ll get dressed.”

  Mr. Ito disappeared, and I could hear footsteps upstairs as the whole family hurried around.

  They finally reappeared in the living room again, dressed for church.

  “Oh, no. We’re going to be late again,” Mrs. Ito said, looking at the clock.

  “Only five minutes late,” her husband said. “Let’s go.”

  When they left, I looked up at the clock. It said it was five minutes to ten. But I knew it was really ten minutes to ten. The Itos would probably make it to church on time. Barely.

  The rest of the day was QUIET-QUIET-QUIET. I was dozing when Harry came and picked up my cage.

  “Come on, Humphrey,” he said. “You can help me with my homework.”

  “Eeek!” I squeaked. I wasn’t upset about the homework. I was upset because I didn’t want to end up in Harry’s room for
the night. I already had a Plan to give the Itos a little more help.

  Thank goodness, when Harry was finished, he carried my cage back downstairs to the table in the living room. My Plan was safe!

  When the house was quiet that night after the clock chimed 11:00, I opened the door to my cage, took a deep breath and once again headed up the wire shelves to the mantel. With great effort, I turned the clock forward another five minutes. That would give the Itos an extra ten minutes in the morning.

  Hopefully, the next morning I wouldn’t be tardy. And neither would Harry.

  HUMPHREY’S RULES OF SCHOOL: Homework can be extremely tiring, especially if you’re a classroom pet!

  13

  Brisbane Versus Becker

  Good news! The Itos never suspected what I’d done. In fact, Mrs. Ito noticed that the clock was ten minutes ahead of her watch, so she changed her watch! Mr. Ito did the same thing.

  Believe it or not, we got to school five minutes ahead of the bell.

  Harry was surprised, his mother was surprised, and Mrs. Brisbane was surprised.

  I was not.

  “Harry, it’s great to see you here on time,” Mrs. Brisbane said.

  Mrs. Ito looked a little embarrassed.

  “Mrs. Brisbane, I know we got off to a bad start this year,” Mrs. Ito told the teacher. “But I’m really going to do my best to get Harry here on time every single day.”

  That made Mrs. Brisbane happy. I was happy, too. I just hope nobody ever changes the clock again—except for me!

  I couldn’t wait until recess to tell Og about my adventures. But first, something even more important was going on. The students started their new jobs as Brisbane’s Buddies.

  “Here’s hoping my Plan works,” I told Og.

  Rolling-Rosie and Forgetful-Phoebe went to work right away collecting the homework assignments. The two girls put their homework in first. Yes, Phoebe had actually remembered this time! As I was hoping, she’d probably figured it would look BAD-BAD-BAD for a Homework Collector to forget her own assignments.

  Thomas never went anywhere without his class log, which he wrote in a lot.