Bumper Book of Humphrey's Tiny Tales 1

  Hi! I’m Humphrey. I’m lucky to be the classroom hamster in Room 26 of Longfellow School. It’s a big job because I have to go home with a different student each weekend and try to help my friends. Luckily, my cage has a lock-that-doesn’t-lock, so I can get out and have BIG-BIG-BIG adventures!

  Title Page

  1. My Mixed-Up Magic Trick!

  1 Homework

  2 Magic-Miranda

  3 Disappearing Act

  4 The Amazing Humphrini

  5 And … A real magic trick!

  2. My Pet Show Panic!

  1 I Go to the Pet Show

  2 The Show Begins

  3 Here Come the Judges

  4 A Matter of Life and Breath

  5 Home, Sweet Home

  3. My Summer Fair Surprise!

  1 Surprising News

  2 It’s Not Fair!

  3 My BIG-BIG-BIG Surprise

  4 I Surprise Everybody

  4. My Creepy Crawly Camping Adventure!

  1 The Great Outdoors

  2 Boys and Noise

  3 Out of the Shadows

  4 The Trouble with Monsters

  About the Author

  Praise for Humphrey:

  By the Same Author

  Copyright

  a frog, is the other classroom pet in Room 26. He makes a funny sound: BOING!

  has golden hair, like I do. She also has a dog named Clem. Eeek!

  is our teacher. She really understands her students – even me!

  has a loud voice and calls me Humphrey Dumpty.

  LOVES-LOVES-LOVES to joke and have fun.

  is Aldo’s nephew and a classmate of mine.

  loves to giggle – and so do I!

  is unsqueakably clever, but she’s shy and doesn’t like to speak in class.

  I think you’ll like my other friends, too, such as

  Wait-For-The-Bell-Garth, Sit-Still Seth and

  Pay-Attention-Art.

  I’ve learned about a lot of things in my job as classroom hamster.

  I’ve learned about reading, writing, maths, history and science.

  I’ve also learned about art and music.

  Oh, yes, and I’ve also learned a lot about homework.

  You see, my classmates work hard in Room 26.

  But they also work hard outside of Room 26, when our teacher, Mrs Brisbane, gives them work to do at home.

  I don’t have to hand in my homework, but I do it anyway.

  I work out the maths problems and learn to spell new words in a little notebook I keep hidden behind the mirror in my cage.

  But one day, Mrs Brisbane gave us a special homework assignment.

  ‘Class, I want you to choose a job you think you’d like to do when you grow up,’ she said.

  ‘Did you say a job?’ Repeat-It-Please-Richie asked.

  ‘That’s right,’ Mrs Brisbane replied. ‘Find out what it takes to be good at that job and write a three-page report about it. Next Monday, you’ll share your report with the class. And I want you to come dressed as a person who does that job.’

  This assignment caused quite a buzz.

  ‘When I grow up, I’m going to be a footballer!’ Lower-Your-Voice-A.J. announced. ‘And you can all cheer for me.’

  ‘It depends on what team you play for,’ Garth said.

  Sit-Still-Seth leaped out of his seat. ‘I want to be a doctor and help sick people get well,’ he said.

  ‘Good for you, Seth!’ I squeaked.

  I know that all he heard was SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK but at least he could tell how much I liked the idea.

  The other classroom pet, Og the frog, agreed.

  ‘BOING-BOING!’ he said in his funny, twangy voice.

  ‘I’m going to be a teacher just like Mrs Brisbane,’ Stop-Giggling-Gail said.

  It was hard to imagine a teacher giggling as much as Gail does, but her classroom would always be fun.

  ‘I’m going to be a comedian,’ Kirk said. ‘Here’s a joke: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?’

  ‘I don’t know, Kirk. Why?’ Mrs Brisbane replied.

  ‘Because her class was so bright!’ Kirk laughed.

  Mrs Brisbane laughed, too. ‘I’m sure you will be a comedian, Kirk. And you’re right, I do have a bright group of students.’

  Then she turned to the class.

  ‘You have a lot of good ideas, so just remember that the report is due on Monday,’ she said. ‘And come in costume!’

  ‘How are we supposed to know what we want to do?’ Richie asked. ‘I’m not grown up yet.’

  Mrs Brisbane smiled. ‘That’s true. You’ll probably change your mind a few times before you do grow up. But it’s still fun to think about things you’d like to do. Don’t you have any ideas?’

  Richie thought for a few seconds. ‘I might be a chef because I like to eat. Or I might be a police officer and put bad guys in jail,’ he said. ‘Or, I might be an Olympic runner. I’m pretty fast.’

  I tried to picture Richie all grown-up, dressed in a police uniform, running down a track, carrying a tray of yummy food.

  ‘Those are all good ideas, Richie,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘Just pick one for your report.’

  When the final bell rang and my classmates hurried out of the classroom, I heard Sayeh ask Golden-Miranda what she wanted to be when she grows up.

  ‘I’ll tell you later,’ Miranda answered. ‘But I don’t think anyone else will have the same idea.’

  She had a funny smile on her face that made me unsqueakably curious about what she was thinking.

  Once Og and I were alone in Room 26, I jiggled the lock-that-doesn’t-lock on my cage and scurried over to his tank.

  ‘Og, I already have a job as a classroom pet. So do you,’ I told him.

  ‘BOING-BOING-BOING!’ Og replied.

  ‘But if I couldn’t be a classroom pet, could I do another job?’ I wondered.

  Og didn’t answer. Instead, he dived into the water side of his cage and began to splash.

  I ducked out of the way because we hamsters don’t like to get wet.

  Then I scurried back to my cage.

  I took out the notebook and pencil I keep hidden behind the mirror and wrote:

  I didn’t write anything else, because I wasn’t sure what jobs a hamster could do.

  Of course, instead of being a classroom pet, I could be a child’s pet.

  Many hamsters have that job and their families love them. So I scribbled:

  Then I sat and thought some more.

  My whiskers wiggled.

  My tail twitched.

  But I couldn’t think of a single other job for a hamster.

  And then I remembered that Mrs Brisbane’s husband once took me to a place called Maycrest Manor where I entertained the humans staying there.

  They were people who were recovering from illnesses or accidents.

  And I have to say, I really cheered them up! So I wrote down:

  I thought some more.

  There must be MANY-MANY-MANY jobs for a clever and curious hamster like me.

  After all, I sometimes follow clues to sort out what problems my friends are having so I can help them. So I wrote:

  And I sometimes spin, leap, twirl and whirl to entertain my friends. They really enjoy seeing me roll around the room in my hamster ball or hanging from the tippy-top of my cage.

  So I wrote:

  I stared at those words for a few minutes. They just didn’t seem right.

  So I changed it.

  I looked at my list and I was unsqueakably proud! Although I never want to leave my job as a classroom pet, it was nice to know that I had choices.

  And it was als
o nice to know that I had made a good start on my homework!

  Sometimes, when my classmates are outside at break, I take a little nap.

  So the next day, I was burrowed down into my bedding, dozing, when I heard voices near my cage.

  ‘It is too a real job!’ That was Golden-Miranda speaking.

  She was speaking much louder than usual.

  Miranda Golden is a favourite friend of mine.

  I love her curly golden hair. It reminds me of my nice golden fur. That’s why I call her Golden-Miranda.

  I like everything about her, except for her dog, Clem.

  He has sharp teeth and very bad breath!

  ‘It’s not a job like a firefighter. Or a footballer!’ That was A.J.’s loud voice.

  I poked my head out of my bedding.

  A.J. was standing in front of Miranda with his arms folded.

  ‘It’s the job I’m doing when I grow up,’ she said.

  A.J. shook his head. ‘Even if it is a job, girls don’t do it.’

  ‘What job?’ I squeaked, but I don’t think anyone heard me.

  Then Speak-Up-Sayeh appeared at Miranda’s side. ‘Of course women do that job,’ she said in her soft voice.

  ‘Maybe,’ A.J. agreed. ‘But none of them are famous.’

  Pay-Attention-Art must have been paying attention, because he joined in.

  ‘A.J.’s right,’ he said.

  Then Miranda looked REALLY-REALLY-REALLY angry.

  Something was terribly wrong! I hopped out of my bedding and climbed up the side of my cage.

  ‘Mrs Brisbane! Where are you?’ I squeaked at the top of my tiny lungs.

  Just then, our teacher rushed over and asked, ‘Will someone please tell me what you’re arguing about?’

  A.J. pointed to Miranda. ‘She picked a job that’s not a real job. And even if it happened to be a real job, girls don’t do it.’

  Miranda pointed to A.J. ‘He’s wrong.’

  ‘Calm down, both of you,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘What job do you want to do, Miranda?’

  Miranda glared at A.J. ‘I’m going to be a magician. I’m going to be a great magician. And I really mean it!’

  ‘Of course you do,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘Because it is a real job. There are people who make a living doing magic acts.’

  A.J. shook his head. ‘I never saw a girl do magic.’

  ‘Of course girls – and women – are magicians,’ Mrs Brisbane told him.

  ‘Name one famous girl magician,’ A.J. said.

  Mrs Brisbane thought for a moment. ‘I don’t know the names of many magicians. There was Houdini, of course. He was a great escape artist a long time ago.’

  ‘If Houdini was still alive, what would he be?’ Kirk asked.

  Before anyone could answer, Kirk said, ‘The oldest person in the world!’

  Everybody laughed, except for A.J.

  ‘But Houdini was a man,’ he said.

  ‘Maybe Miranda will be the first famous female magician,’ Mrs Brisbane told him.

  ‘I’ll show you, A.J.,’ Miranda said.

  ‘YES-YES-YES!’ I squeaked.

  The bell rang and all my friends went to their desks.

  I didn’t hear anything about magic for a while, because Mrs Brisbane sent my friends to the library.

  ‘Take your notebooks,’ she reminded them as they headed out of the door. ‘You’ll want to find out as much as you can about your jobs.’

  Mrs Brisbane left with the rest of the class.

  When we were alone, I turned towards Og’s tank.

  ‘I’m unsqueakably good at escaping from my cage,’ I said. ‘Like that magician called Houdini.’

  ‘BOING-BOING!’ Og hopped up and down.

  I sighed. ‘I may be the best hamster escape artist in the world, but nobody knows it … except you.’

  Og dived into the water in his tank and splashed loudly.

  I grabbed the notebook and pencil hidden behind my mirror.

  Quickly, I added something to the list of jobs I could do.

  I made sure my notebook was safely back in its place when the class returned to Room 26.

  ‘I think you got a good start on your reports,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘But don’t forget, I want you to come dressed for your job when you present your report on Monday. And bring as many props as you’d like.’

  Sayeh shyly raised her hand. ‘Mrs Brisbane, would it be all right if I used Humphrey for my report?’

  ‘Of course, Sayeh,’ Mrs Brisbane said.

  ‘No!’ Miranda exclaimed. ‘I’m planning to use Humphrey! I signed up to take him home for the weekend so we can practise. I’m sorry, Sayeh, but it’s really important.’

  Sayeh looked VERY-VERY-VERY disappointed.

  ‘Could one of you use Og?’ Mrs Brisbane asked.

  Sayeh suddenly looked happier. ‘Yes! I’d love Og to help me.’

  I was unsqueakably happy to see Sayeh smile.

  Og hopped up and down. ‘BOING-BOING!’ he said.

  All afternoon, I wondered what tricks Miranda and I would perform together in her magic act.

  Would she pull me out of a hat?

  It’s dark and stuffy inside a hat.

  Would she turn me into a frog?

  I think one frog is enough for Room 26. And I like being a hamster!

  Would she saw me in half? Once I saw a magician on TV saw a woman in half.

  (Luckily, he put her back together again.)

  ‘NO-NO-NO!’ I squeaked. ‘Please don’t saw me in half! I’m already really small!’

  Some of my classmates began to giggle.

  ‘Humphrey sounds very excited about being in your presentation,’ Mrs Brisbane said.

  Then I remembered Miranda’s terrible dog, Clem.

  His breath is awful and he hangs around my cage.

  And I’m pawsitive he doesn’t hang around my cage because he wants to be friends!

  Just thinking about Clem makes me shiver and quiver.

  ‘I’m not excited,’ I shouted. ‘I’m scared!’

  My friends just giggled again, because all they heard was SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK.

  Later that night, I took out my little notebook and stared at my list of hamster jobs.

  I had a few new ideas. The first one was:

  Then I had another idea. My paw shook a little as I thought about Clem’s large teeth. I wrote:

  I didn’t sleep a wink that night.

  Not one wink.

  Of course, I was nervous when I got to Miranda’s house on Friday afternoon.

  But Clem was nowhere to be seen.

  ‘Humphrey, my mum sent Clem to Gran’s house for the weekend so he wouldn’t bother you,’ Miranda announced.

  I felt MUCH-MUCH-MUCH better. In fact, I felt so much better, I slept like a baby that night.

  ‘I have a lot of work to do this weekend,’ Miranda said as she set my cage on the desk the next morning.

  ‘And I need your help,’ she added.

  ‘I’m ready!’ I squeaked.

  ‘First, I have to look like a magician,’ Miranda said.

  She disappeared into her wardrobe.

  When she came out again, she was wearing a black jacket with long sleeves and a tall black hat.

  ‘Ta-da!’ she said. ‘I’m now Magic-Miranda.’

  I always call her Golden-Miranda because of her golden hair.

  But she looked like Magic-Miranda with the hat on.

  Miranda pulled a small table covered with a black cloth to the centre of the room.

  There was a big box on the table.

  ‘This is my magic table,’ she said.

  She opened the box and pulled out a wand.

  ‘Every magician needs a magic wand,’ she said.

  ‘Of course,’ I agreed.

  Next, Miranda opened my cage and gently took me out.

  She set me on the table and placed books around the edge, so I wouldn’t fall off.

  Then she said, ‘Humphrey! What
have you got in your ear?’

  ‘My ear? Nothing!’ I squeaked.

  Like all hamsters, I store food in my cheek pouches, but I don’t put anything in my ear.

  She reached one hand towards my ear.

  ‘Why, look!’ she said. ‘It’s 10p!’

  She held up a small, silver coin.

  ‘Eeek!’ I squeaked.

  It didn’t seem possible.

  Hamsters don’t have much use for money.

  And my ear is much too small to hold 10p!

  Miranda stroked my back with her finger and laughed.

  ‘Don’t worry, Humphrey,’ she said. ‘It wasn’t really in your ear. It’s a trick.’

  That made me feel a LOT-LOT-LOT better.

  ‘My Uncle Wally used to pull coins out of my ear when I was little,’ she said. ‘When I got older, he taught me the trick.’

  I wondered how Miranda did that.

  ‘I had the coin hidden in my hand all the time,’ she said. ‘But it took a lot of practice before I could make it work.’

  She did the trick again, but this time she showed me how she had the 10p hidden in her hand all the time.

  ‘It takes a lot of practice to learn a magic trick,’ Miranda explained. ‘I probably tried this a hundred times.’